A deep dark secret

This is a secret I've kept for over 4 years now, and I've always wanted to forget it. And why can't I? Because someone is always bringing it back like a... I just can't get rid of it. Not only does he remind me of it, but he uses it to blackmail me by threatening to tell someone. Worse thing is, people don't realise how bad it is. Now that it's come to this stage, I feel that I need to let it out to someone outside the secret.

Let's get straight to it.

In China 09, there was a girl called Mint on the trip. She's on my Facebook friends list so go search her up if you want. She's from Thailand, so a different group to us who came from the UK. I didn't speak to her until 2 weeks later, when she introduced to us the 'ripstik' (Google it). That's when I got to know her and began to spend a lot of time with her. It was really fun I have to admit. She was mature, funny and good to hang out with. The problem? She was 11. Noone had expected it. We all thought she was older, but she acted so old for her age and was so freakin' tall it was easy to mistake her for a teen. By the way, I was 14 back then.

She had to leave China earlier so we had to say our goodbyes. Truthfully, I was sad. To me, she was like the sister I never had. Her own sister included, she was as cute as hell. But that was when the real trouble arose. When she got back to Thailand, she confessed to me that she liked me on msn. I returned the confession. I'm being serious here when I say I don't know what was going through my head. I knew it wasn't right.

I wasn't sure whether to carry on my secret at this point, but this is my secret blog after all, I'll be honest all the way.

Like I said, I told her I liked her too. To this day though, I'm not sure whether I meant it or not. Not gonna lie, I really don't know. Back then I had even changed my Facebook relationship status to 'in a relationship'. I dunno if you can still remember that. It was... I don't know how to explain it. It was bad. It should never have happened. I told her a month later that I couldn't talk to her anymore, and we haven't spoken since then.

I've actually sacrificed a lot here: my dignity, my reputation, my everything. It may sound funny to some of you, but this secret had been like a splinter in my heart for a long time, and I regret it so bad. I regret taking things so far but even more than that, I regret letting people that I thought I could trust know. Now that I've told you this, the least you could do is not talk about this to me at all, even of you've lost respect for me or whatever. Please.

This has been one of the hardest things to do. Ever.